“Give me a Break!”

11 Tabs open, and you don't even know where the music is coming from. That is how modern life can sometimes be. At least in my case, as I also often fail to recognize when doing a lot is actually too much. We can say that society puts us under a certain pressure with its high expectations these days. Still, we are actually the ones who over-work and exhaust ourselves to attain a particular fixed goal or idea of ourselves. I know for myself – I put enormous standards on myself and beat myself up pretty hard when I seem not to succeed.

Personal story… I grew up in a normal, lower to a middle-class family, and although I couldn’t exactly have or experience everything, I also wasn’t lacking due to my parents always doing the best they possibly could to give us everything we needed. But I always knew I wanted to live on my terms and have more freedom. And that means I would need to be successful financially. And, of course, I imagined I would need to feel loved and respected – which one also needs to work hard for (or at least that's what I thought). Then, what about feeling admired for my talent or status? Work. Make sure I am always the best version of myself – how should people perceive me? How should I perceive myself? Show no weakness, stay authentic, look good at all times, sound intelligent, cater to other people's emotions and needs, be thoughtful of little details, ensure everything is in order, and think about the future.

Still, also the present, enjoy the time, relax, be spontaneous, have fun…and this is how sometimes every little thing becomes a task to become a well-rounded, self-efficient, and ‘productive’ individual. Listen, I am sure I am not alone in this. Overwhelmed. And when I would make a mistake and fail to present myself the way I wanted, I could not forgive myself for months. So I started to notice that my stress levels are pretty much constant, and it has been taking a toll on my mind and body. I would consider myself very stress resistant, but at some point, I felt it was becoming too much even for me. And I had to start by recognizing the signs of early burnout and my responsibility for it. I pushed myself over the point too many times, disregarding my own well-being, and when I started getting constant headaches and losing sleep, my relationships began to suffer, and overall, dropping performance at my work started to become more visible to me – I could not ignore it any longer. And to be honest, there were moments I was downright miserable. And that is never the state I would want to be in for too long. Yes, challenging phases come and go, but we must find a way to cope without the long-term consequences that an actual burnout could bring. So, what can I do? 

The first step is to recognize, hey, I may have a problem. To help you do that for yourself, I have created a “Give me a Break” checklist that can help you determine how much stress affects you and gives you a few hints about your current mental state. 

I believe that checking the “always” box alone too many times should be a hint big enough already. And let us be honest – would you profit from any break now? If your answer is exhausted, ‘yes,’ read on, I have suggestions for you that help me manage my stress levels personally.

1. Check out my “Give Me a Break” Checklist.

Download below…

2. Identify the Problem/cause of stress.

Do you even know what stresses you out? Sometimes when we say things out loud or write them down seem way smaller than in our heads. Try to talk with a trusted person or list current stress factors in your life, and confront them by putting them in black on white with a priority order. 

3. Self-Awareness

What are the expectations and standards that are coming from your true self? What is coming from outside (society, parents, partner)? Make sure you concisely decide which standards you follow and how/who you actually want to be. F* others – what are your values? How far are you willing to compromise? What would take you to be happy?

4. Compartmentalize

Sometimes it is helpful to compartmentalize feelings. It is a difficult skill to obtain, and some people may argue it can, to an extent, seem a bit deflecting, but it can also be a helpful coping mechanism. Check out how I do it personally in point 10. And 11. 

5. Meditate/emotional release.

As a musician, playing my instrument is an emotional release. Singing. Sometimes dancing. I am awful at meditating, but I am trying it out now – for me, the rain app works the best. I enjoy relaxing videos on YouTube about uplifting, calm topics. And you know what, sometimes a good cry also makes a difference 😊

6. Sleep

Everyone is different, but a consistent sleeping routine is critical. Especially as women, lack of sleep messes up our hormones; it is not a joke.

7. Work out.

Maybe something you like to do, but definitely try to get some fresh air every day and maybe sweat off a bit—immediate relief.

8. Take time off.

Quite an obvious one, yet a big luxury. Try to schedule uninterrupted leisure time where you cannot do anything else but rest. Make sure you complete all the tasks from your priority list beforehand and then really try and let it stay in your “Work” mental drawer at home.

9. Seek support.

Do you need to talk about it? If you can turn for help to your close ones…sometimes even a hug can make a fundamental difference if your love language is physical touch. Maybe check the ‘Five love languages’ from Gary Chapman as well? It can help you to determine where you feel that lack of fulfillment that sometimes appears and how you can improve it or communicate it with your loved ones.

10. Organize time for stress.

This one is crucial for an overthinker like me. My brain is wired in a way that information shocks are running through it in all directions at the same time at all times! That is why (after completing the first two steps) you should have a good schedule ready. Schedule when you will work on your “problems” intensely – but try to schedule this ONE DAY AT THE TIME! It is good to have a broader overview (some more templates coming soon), but we mustn’t get overwhelmed with the whole month when unnecessary. Step after step, day after day. Make a short-term and long-term step game plan if a problem is complex. You are getting the most stressful annoying thing out of the way at that time frame that day, preferably first thing after your morning coffee. Get it done, and then do not think about it anymore. Be accountable to yourself because prolonged procrastination is one of the most common and destructive forms of self-sabotage. Why wouldn’t you want the absolute best there is for yourself?

11. Organize time for friends and family.

This is my personal thing. I can get so lost in my thoughts, goals, and obligations that I forget about people who mean a lot to me. So I schedule times to check up on them, call or meet. Yes, sometimes we also have duties towards our loved ones; we should not take them for granted. It is good to put ourselves first, and sometimes absolutely necessary, but scheduling some time to think about the people we love makes it easier not to forget and to dedicate that time to the 100%. Friday 10 am - 11 am; call mom, check up on a friend, organize a meeting with a closed one. After that, you can feel recharged and continue with your stuff without focusing on it much anymore.

12. Therapy.

We live in 2023 and are so privileged to have this option. Why not take advantage of it? Sometimes it helps to speak your mind without reservation to someone and not worry about ever leaving the room. Sometimes you need impartial advice or encouragement or have a question about your patterns and habits. A good therapist will never try to control your life or be smart about what you should do – they only guide you in answering your own questions with their help. And it can be a good place to rant, to be honest :)

Anyways, those are just a few points from me, but as everyone is totally different, I suggest you think about ways to cope with stress. Can you think of anything that immediately puts you in a good mood and offers a sense of relief? As long as it is not self-destructive in any way, try to integrate that activity as much as possible, and make sure you schedule it without the option of canceling. With good organization, everything is possible! Check out my Instagram for more tips and ideas coming, and make sure to download the “Give me a Break” Checklist!